Watched Anastasia. Watched Shutter Island. Ate dinner. Watched Tangled. Received a call. Took a bath. Left home. Went to Marj's unit. Surprised. Amazed. Talked. Read Bob Ong. Lost track. Talked. Sound trip. Ate ice cream. Drank iced tea. Read Pugad Baboy. Talked. Sound trip. Called Jhong. Picked up Jhong. Amused. Laughed. Ate ice cream. Talked. Sound trip. Checked FB. Ate Kay's sumptuous dish. Texted Buddy happy birthday. Read Pugad Baboy. Talked. Sound trip. Read Pugad Baboy. Slept. Awoken by Jhong. Texted a cab. Checked FB. Checked Twitter. Accompanied Jhong. Waited for taxi. Watched Jhong went off. Went back to Marj's unit. Slept. Woke up. Ate macaroni salad. Talked. Sound trip. Kay left. Talked. Sound trip. Took heavy breakfast. Read Pugad Baboy. Accompanied Marj to work. Waited for Marj outside her working place. Hitched. Dropped by at an ATM machine. Forgot pin code. Went home. Wrote something on the journal. Fell asleep. Woke up. Checked FB. Ate bread. Received a call. Wrote a note on FB. Went off to Bo's Coffee.
Tomorrow's rest day. Sleep. Watch movie. Review lessons. Wander around cyberspace. Break. Life. Getaway.
The Horrible Side of Me
Feb 15, 2011
Just like any others, I have my own share of insularities; as much as I want to contain them, but human as I am, I also have my uncontrollable whims. What might be inoffensive to others might be offensive to me, what might be inoffensive to me might be offensive to others.
It is difficult to understand. Human beings are as unfathomable as its origin. However, that's how the nature works, that's how the world maneuvers --- I could abhor it, sure I would, but who am I to even the score when I am just but a speck of it.
I never wanted to be angry. I never wanted to be offended. But what transpired was another story. This fury, I want to contain, for I do not want to catch sight of my rage. That is why I always prefer silence; for my words can turn into a double-edged sword anytime, ready to slash any emotion of any ego that would come my way.
I was angry, and now I am hurt. Although there is no need for me to explain myself, as I was the one who was publicly humiliated, but letting this out in the open is the only way for me to let go of my chagrin and get ahold of myself back into composure. It was no joke, but it was for theirs. They didn't know that I could no longer raise my eyes as I could not bear to see the mockery painted on their faces. Their defeaning cheers had turned into a bunch of poisonous and sharp arrows fired at me: lacerating every inch of my skin, piercing through my veins, perforating my soul. I was caught off guard, I had no choice. Like a sailor passing through the Strait of Messina, it is either I have to confront Scylla or Charybdis. The terrible thing is, I was only forced to board that ship and I have no right to be defiant.
The sense of betrayal keeps on ringing in my ears. What occured was a very shallow act, I know, but it was not insubstantial to me --- and that's what afflicts me the most. Worst thing is, although I could easily forgive, but I could not easily forget. What happened might just fade away, but the racking sensation has been etched in my memory.
No, I am not asking for any sympathy. I have already anticipated the false impression. I do not expect anyone to understand what I am feeling; I, myself, could not even grasp the rationale behind my immature and childish response. This is how I feel. People may tell me to get control of my emotions, but no one can just tell anyone to stop the feeling because it is very superficial. We have our own impulses, and sometimes these impulses are so hard to restrain no matter what you do. It would really flare up once in a while.
I do not mean to justify my reaction, I am only speaking my mind up. After this, I will have to think of ways on how to act normal in front of everybody. I may still be able to smile, proceed like nothing happened, but how I wish it's just as simple as that. The course of tides had changed. The time has come for me to choose between Scylla and Charybdis, and now I am crushed because I don't know which options to take.
I could set aside the emotion and pretend that everything is okay, but I could not tolerate any teasing and I might get irked. I could be branded as narrow and overrated, but I could care less and I couldn't mind. Maybe I would just cross the bridge when I get there, but it is the uncertainties of my reaction that terrifies me. And that, I guess, is the most horrible side of me. =(
It is difficult to understand. Human beings are as unfathomable as its origin. However, that's how the nature works, that's how the world maneuvers --- I could abhor it, sure I would, but who am I to even the score when I am just but a speck of it.
I never wanted to be angry. I never wanted to be offended. But what transpired was another story. This fury, I want to contain, for I do not want to catch sight of my rage. That is why I always prefer silence; for my words can turn into a double-edged sword anytime, ready to slash any emotion of any ego that would come my way.
I was angry, and now I am hurt. Although there is no need for me to explain myself, as I was the one who was publicly humiliated, but letting this out in the open is the only way for me to let go of my chagrin and get ahold of myself back into composure. It was no joke, but it was for theirs. They didn't know that I could no longer raise my eyes as I could not bear to see the mockery painted on their faces. Their defeaning cheers had turned into a bunch of poisonous and sharp arrows fired at me: lacerating every inch of my skin, piercing through my veins, perforating my soul. I was caught off guard, I had no choice. Like a sailor passing through the Strait of Messina, it is either I have to confront Scylla or Charybdis. The terrible thing is, I was only forced to board that ship and I have no right to be defiant.
The sense of betrayal keeps on ringing in my ears. What occured was a very shallow act, I know, but it was not insubstantial to me --- and that's what afflicts me the most. Worst thing is, although I could easily forgive, but I could not easily forget. What happened might just fade away, but the racking sensation has been etched in my memory.
No, I am not asking for any sympathy. I have already anticipated the false impression. I do not expect anyone to understand what I am feeling; I, myself, could not even grasp the rationale behind my immature and childish response. This is how I feel. People may tell me to get control of my emotions, but no one can just tell anyone to stop the feeling because it is very superficial. We have our own impulses, and sometimes these impulses are so hard to restrain no matter what you do. It would really flare up once in a while.
I do not mean to justify my reaction, I am only speaking my mind up. After this, I will have to think of ways on how to act normal in front of everybody. I may still be able to smile, proceed like nothing happened, but how I wish it's just as simple as that. The course of tides had changed. The time has come for me to choose between Scylla and Charybdis, and now I am crushed because I don't know which options to take.
I could set aside the emotion and pretend that everything is okay, but I could not tolerate any teasing and I might get irked. I could be branded as narrow and overrated, but I could care less and I couldn't mind. Maybe I would just cross the bridge when I get there, but it is the uncertainties of my reaction that terrifies me. And that, I guess, is the most horrible side of me. =(
Dear Anna...
Feb 9, 2011
I am the most blessed person today. Despite the challenges that I have encountered, despite the lethargic morning, I am still happy for this day. Who wouldn't be? When today is one of the most special days of my life.
I feel so blessed today because today marks the birthday of one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my whole life, and I wonder what would my life be without her? It might sound exaggerated, but I am just expressing what I feel inside. Meeting her for the first time years ago, I never thought she would befriend me. Her intelligence and elegance had intimidated me, thus the surprise when she first came to me and talked. Her gregariousness changed my opinion of her, but it was her kindness and passion that melted my heart. Since then, I have been admiring her for her goodness and understanding. The moments we have shared together: the food trips, the midnight chats, the volunteer works - even with our differences, she was still able to get used to my diffident behavior and nonsense insights. Despite of the times that I have failed her expectations, her forgiving heart and open-mindedness keeps our friendship intact and I am so much grateful for that.
Happy birthday friend. May our friendship go stronger everyday. I love you so much and I pray for more blessings and goodness to come. ^_^
Happy birthday friend. May our friendship go stronger everyday. I love you so much and I pray for more blessings and goodness to come. ^_^