It's been a while...

My life, as usual, is in topsy-turvy... as much as I want to publish what is in my mind through Facebook or Twitter I gave myself with no choice but mum. I don't want to be regarded as an "emo" again. I hate it. Despite the fact that deep inside me, I am indeed an emo. I am an emotional being.

So many things had happened in my life and believe it or not, I am almost 26 but I am still lost. Tragic, eh? Or perhaps this is just all because of how my brain works... I have become so afraid with my mind, like Dr. Spencer Reid, I guess there is nothing more frightening than being scared with ones mind. How tragic.

There are so many things I would like to do in my life but I am always restrained by the dictates of the society. I know, I really don't have to submit myself to the standards the society had set, but it is my duty, as a human being, to cohabitate with others regardless how superior or inferior they are to me.

For the moment, as Gavin Degraw slaps the "Not Over You" song to me, I recoil to my safe zone for comfort. I am too afraid to face reality but I am so tired of retreating to my dreamworld.

"No matter what I say I'm... not over you..."

Regrets

This is the point of my life where regret is chasing me in the darkness. I should have left, few months ago, I should have left. Although I know that what ifs and if onlys would do no good anymore, I just can't help wishing for it. This is stupid, I know. It's part of me, I guess --- to be stupid.

Today is the worst day of my life ever. As much as I want to disclose the reason why, I can't as I am too ashamed to admit the mistake that I have committed. I can't believe I have allowed myself to be boxed in an emotion that I could have parried. This is intolerable, totally unforgivable, and I am not sure how long will I be able to get over this seemingly insuperable blight.

Sigh.. as always.. a sigh. My tears had gone dry from my eyes. Although everything's a cycle, but this one is way too far different from the other. Only one thing remains: it will be bound to be hidden in the abysmal section of my heart.