dejected

1o:15 pm -- Awoke from a light slumber. I fell asleep while waiting for "That Thing You Do" movie to download. Unfortunately, the long wait was in vain as the movie did not download at all. Starving and quite disappointed, i got out of bed to have some dinner only to find out that we don't have food again. It has always been like this. How ironic, my mom is a school teacher and i am a call center agent but we just could not put a food on our table. I don't know if the problem is with my mother or with me or with how we manage our family life.

Totally pissed off by that moment, i decided to go out to get dinner. I did not tell my sister where the hell i am going as she really doesn't have to know and i don't want her to know. 

Unsure of where to go... my head is battling if i just go to breakfast club which is not expensive or try the cafe at bajada which i've been attempting to visit but always unable to do so for some reasons. When i got inside the jeepney, i settle on Buzz Cafe... I told myself that i will waste the 500 bucks in my pocket. I guess that's how upset I was. 

And so here i am... Sitting alone in a comfortable zone with the coffee and clubhouse sandwich which cost me quite a lot... Sigh... I guess i am just lonely... I am trying to grasp why I have come to this point... I am not really sure if this is the kind of life i want... I just can't wait for the time where i can leave this city and live on my own knowing no one but myself... 

I will be posting this entry in my superficialistics blog... I have promised that i will not post any senseless items there but then i realized, why do i have to push myself into something which i know i am not really good at? I am so tired of pleasing other people... So tired of making good impressions... I just want to be myself... Myself... who until now i still do not know... I've been searching for myself for a very long time... Myriad of things have been revealed but it seems i haven't obtain them... 

Anyway... from now on... the superficialistics blog will just demonstrate my superficialities and absurdity...